27 January 2008

Shady Election Coverage (Pt. 1)

Hey, it's a double entendre!

Mikey P. asked for Shady and P.B.'s musings about the Presidential election process. Shady has been carefully watching the coverage from different news outlets, reading a range of newspaper reports, is on the mailing list of several candidates, and has watched several Republican and Democratic debates. Shady loves reality shows, and it doesn't get more real than this, nuts! Shady agrees with P.B. that 1) it is every American's civic duty to vote and 2) that every American has to make his or her own decision. However, Shady encourages all Nuts to educate themselves about every candidate, from both sides. For example, if your only connection to Huckabee is the movie, I Heart Huckabees, then you are not ready to make a final decision.

Today's entry will focus on Hillary Clinton. With other candidates, their actual positions on issues and other personal qualities that are not necessarily bad, are what stand out the most. Unfortunately, what stands out the most with Hillary Clinton is 1) her shrill voice when she gets defensive and 2) her ability to completely avoid answering questions, and turning the question around so that she can just throw out one of her talking points. When it comes to presidential candidates, she is #1 in that skill.

Shady believes that Clinton is a little shady, and not in the super creamy way. This is just Shady's opinion and does not express the views of P.B. Smooth. Shady however, is not as smooth as P.B. and does not mind opining about the candidates and sharing her shady views with the world. You should do your own homework though and make your own decision.

Here is an illustration of Clinton's style according to Shady:

Citizen: What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Clinton: [tightly smiles] That is a GREAT question! I am SO glad that you are here today to ask me that question.

You know [sighs, cocks head and looks nostaglic], my ice cream preference has changed over the years, [head upright, eyes intense] much like the change that I will bring to Washington D.C. if I am elected President!

[voice becomes shrill] My opponents [she means Barack Obama] could not change the ice cream scoop water, let alone enact change in Washington!!!

[catches hold of herself, tells self to look more relatable, softens expression and lowers voice an octave] I REALLY care about ice cream, and about every American child having the experience of eating ice cream. [tears up a little].

I have been working hard to choose my favorite ice cream flavor for the past 35 years, [returns to intense posture] much like the 35 years that I have been working for the public interest, [voice becomes shrill] unlike Barack Obama who only recently declared his love for ice cream, but has previously been quoted as saying that he hates ice cream and wants to inflate the dairy prices and arrest ice cream truck drivers and steal the ice cream out of the clutches of SICK LITTLE CHILDREN! THIS ELECTION IS ABOUT THE CHILDREN!

[voice becomes so shrill only dog can hear her] Not to mention, that my opponents [she means Barack Obama again] dodge the issues and could never answer such a direct question as, “What is your favorite ice cream flavor!”

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