27 April 2008

It Finally Happened!

April 26, 2008 was a totally historic moment. PB decided to take her 1 and only nephew cowpea to the Reading Phillies AA minor league baseball game last night! Now, her Nephew cowpea is not so found of America's favorite past time, so she was a little nervous. BUT he loved it. He even got his baseball signed by several of the players which made him giggle like a school girl. Ha ha. And that is when PB found her future husband. AHHHH and is it a coincidence that when PB glanced into his peanut shaped eyes, he looked at hers too? Ahhh sigh. so here is a little background information PB dug up on her new obsession with none other than LF Luke Appert. yes, Nuts, w/o even knowing it PB fell in love with yet another LFer. Nuts you must remember Mr. Pat Burrell also hailed from the R. Phils! He seems like a stand up guy? No? He is only 2 years younger than PB, which she can handle. So, there are several problems: 1) he lives in Minnesota, -which might be a fine state PB doesn't know and 2) he doesn't know PB exists - unless you count the 2 times he looked into PB's eyes and Momma PB asked him if he was married. PB might have been drooling at that point, not sure. Sigh. so if any of my fellow Nuts know Mr. Luke Appert would you kindly pass along my blog and tell him PB will gladly support his fine posterior until his big major league debut? And Mr. Luke Appert if you are reading this, THANK YOU, now will you marry PB? PB promises no peanut themed weddings (since so many nuts are allergic). And there was yet one more historical event that occurred but PB cannot share at this time since it is a secret. PB is not good at secrets. But in due time Nuts it will be revealed and PB can't wait!!!! PB salutes Luke Appert. How does Dr. PB Appert sound?

25 April 2008

Take 2 Haiku


trying to budget
but imogen drew the line -
generic cat food


vexatious woman
questioning every food price
then forgot two bags

24 April 2008

What can Brown do for PB?

PB had to attend to some business at the East Petersburg post office Wednesday morning to make sure a sweet package arrived in Flushing, NY for a very dear friend. And many of you Nuts may know that the USPS can (and usually does) bring some creamy adventure. Well, Nuts on this very high pollen filled morning air, the postal gods were kind to PB and she had a smooth transition of the sweet goods to these wonderful federal workers. But wait... you ask what does Brown have to do with anything? As PB turned out of the parking lot she came face to face with a red light. "Darn, how salty." But then to PB's wondering eyes doth appear but a UPS truck with a very tanned legged driver! And right behind him another very cute tanned legged driver! And to make this even nuttier a third very cute tanned legged driver! Ahhh PB was in her PB&J. The gods were pleased with PB this day. She was very thankful to have the salty red light stop her in her trail. So UPS PB gives you a ginormous Jelly! Jelly! And PB thanks your muthas for producing such fine tanned legged men to ease PB's pollen filled eyes so early in the morning. PB also salutes her financial planning wizard friend in Flushing for requesting a sweet deal. Have a safe trip!

22 April 2008

Happy Earth Day!

Please remember to treat her kindly...

19 April 2008

PSA: Smelly Feet = Death

So, Shady was watching one of her favorite, on-in-the-background-while-doing-other-work-while-passing-the-time-until-the-Mets-game-comes-on-because-of-the-stupid-late-start-because-of-stupid-fox-saturday-baseball shows, Snapped, on the Oxygen Network.

In case you haven't seen this genius of a show, it features women who have, um, snapped, and killed someone because of what usually comes down to either 1) jealousy or 2) money.

Well, today my nuts, this is what happened. Woman sends friend insulting email, in which she tells her that her feet smell bad. Woman later chainsaws to death said smelly foot friend in the basement and disposes of her body in parts at the local dump. Those must have been some smelly *ss feet.

Death over smelly feet is not an isolated incident.

This article is about a man who stabbed his roommate to death after being insulted about his smelly feet.

Smelly feet also caused a stink in Berlin earlier this year when police were called to a residence over a foul smelling corpse. Turns out it was *only* a tenant's malodorous feet.

What can we do about this nuts?

Industrious Japanese inventors are working on mint shoes to help people avoid the "shame of smelly feet." Anyone smell a Nobel Peace Prize?

So, nuts, as summer approaches and your feet are given the opportunity to breathe, remember to take gentle care of your feet, and to take insults about your feet seriously. Remember, Shady's simple equation: Smelly Feet = Death.

This has been a PSA brought to you by your #1 source for useless information you can't live without, The PB and Shady Blog.

09 April 2008

We are Over means...

Could you Nuts please enlighten PB's jar and tell her what part of "I Know we are Over" implies that PB still wants to have a romantic relationship? Yes, PB too was perplexed by this and has yet to be able to figure that out. Apparently the Ex Boy Cowpea is dumber than she thought. Crunch this Nuts. The ex Boy Cowpea does not have the figurative nuts to tell her that he wants this to be over BUT has the figurative nuts to assume PB still wants some kind of relationship after he comes out of the weevil induced fog that is occupying the space where his once intelligent brain resided. Tsk Tsk Boy Cowpea. PB only wanted to be friends sorry she no longer wishes to have you as her #1 Boy Cowpea. Watch out Boy Cowpeas... PB will soon be ready to crack some Nuts (well figuratively speaking of course since PB is a lover not a hater)!

06 April 2008

Baseball and PB have their own Lingo...coincidence?

PB thinks not. So here you go nuts some commonly used words/phrases in baseball (just in time for the beginning of the season for those not as familiar with the lingo). Information provided by http://philadelphia.phillies.mlb.com/mlb/official_info/baseball_basics/lingo.jsp

Baseball Basics: Lingo
A fan's guide to commonly-used terms and phrases.

ace -- A team's best starting pitcher.
alley-- The section of the outfield between the outfielders. Also "gap."
around the horn-- A double play going from third base to second to first.
backdoor slider -- A pitch that appears to be out of the strike zone, but then breaks back over the plate.
bag -- A base.
Baltimore chop -- A ground ball that hits in front of home plate (or off of it) and takes a large hop over the infielder's head.
bandbox-- A small ballpark that favors hitters.
bang-bang play -- A play in which the baserunner hits the bag a split-second before the ball arrives or vice versa.
basket catch -- When a fielder catches a ball with his glove near belt level.
Bronx cheer -- When the crowd boos.
brushback -- A pitch that nearly hits a batter.
bush -- Also "bush league." An amateur play or behavior.
can of corn -- An easy catch by a fielder.
caught looking -- When a batter is called out on strikes.
cellar -- Last place. Also "basement."
cheese -- Also "good cheese." Refers to a good fastball.
chin music -- A pitch that is high and inside.
circus catch -- An outstanding catch by a fielder.
closer -- A team's relief pitcher who finishes the game.
cutter -- A cut fastball (one with a late break to it).
cycle -- When a batter hits a single, double, triple and home run in the same game.
dinger -- A home run.
dish -- Home plate.
fireman -- A team's closer or late-inning relief pitcher.
fungo -- A ball hit to a fielder during practice. It's usually hit by a coach using a "fungo bat," which is longer and thinner than a normal bat.
gap -- See "alley." A ball hit here is a "gapper."
gopher ball -- A pitch hit for a home run, as in "go for."
heat -- A good fastball. Also "heater."
high and tight -- Referring to a pitch that's up in the strike zone and inside on a hitter. Also known as "up and in."
hill -- Pitcher's mound.
homer -- A home run. Other terms include: blast, dinger, dong, four-bagger, four-base knock, moon shot, tape-measure blast and tater.
hot corner -- Third base.
in the hole -- The batter after the on-deck hitter.
jam -- When a hitter gets a pitch near his hands, he is "jammed." Also when a pitcher gets himself in trouble, he is in a "jam."
leather -- Refers to how good a player plays defensively or handles the glove. Ex: "He flashed some leather on that play."
meatball -- An easy pitch to hit, usually right down the middle of the plate.
Mendoza line -- A batting average of around .200.
moon shot -- A very long, high home run.
nail down -- As in "nail down a victory." Refers to a relief pitcher finishing off the game.
on the screws -- When a batter hits the ball hard. Also "on the button."
painting the black -- When a pitcher throws the ball over the edge of the plate.
pea -- A ball traveling at high speed, either batted or thrown.
pepper -- Pepper is a common pre-game exercise where one player bunts brisk grounders and line drives to a group of fielders who are standing about 20 feet away. The fielders try to throw it back as quickly as possible. The batter hits the return throw. (Some ballparks ban pepper games because wild pitches could land in the stands and injure spectators).
pick -- A good defensive play by an infielder on a ground ball. Also a shortened version of "pick-off."
pickle -- A rundown.
punchout -- A strikeout.
rhubarb -- A fight or scuffle.
ribbie -- Another way of saying RBI. Also "ribeye."
rope -- A hard line drive hit by a batter. Also "frozen rope."
rubber game -- The deciding game of a series.
run-down -- When a baserunner gets caught between bases by the fielders.
Ruthian -- With great power.
seeing-eye single -- A soft ground ball that finds its way between infielders for a base hit.
set-up man -- A relief pitcher who usually enters the game in the 7th or 8th inning.
shoestring catch -- A running catch made just above the fielder's shoetops.
southpaw -- A left-handed pitcher.
sweet spot -- The part of the bat just a few inches from the barrel.
table setter -- Batter whose job is to get on base for other hitters to drive him in. Usually a leadoff or No. 2 hitter.
tape-measure blast -- An extremely long home run.
tater -- A home run.
Texas Leaguer -- A bloop hit that drops between an infielder and outfielder.
tools of ignorance -- Catcher's equipment.
touch 'em all -- Hitting a home run (touching all the bases).
twin killing -- A double play.
Uncle Charlie -- Curve ball.
utility player -- A player who fills in at many positions.
wheelhouse -- A hitter's power zone. Usually a pitch waist-high and over the heart of the plate.
wheels -- A ballplayer's legs.
whiff -- Strikeout.
yakker -- Curve ball.

Prepared by the Publishing Department of Major League Baseball Properties.

05 April 2008

1 Step Back, 2 Steps Forward

"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials." - Chinese Proverb
It is no secret that PB has gone through a number of crunchy weevils in her short lifetime on the planet Earth. And there are times when she is overly discouraged with her "so-called" Life but then she reads things like the above saying. The title of this blog really expresses PB's life. Most people often say it in reverse "2 steps back, 1 step forward". How negativistic can we be? So do PB a chop and let her impart her words of peanuts upon all you Nuts.

First, when PB is faced with crunchy situations she will often take a day (or week) to cry, yell, vent, buy peanut company stock, purchase new threads, eat a ton of chocolate covered peanuts, etc. She calls this her cleansing process. Now, mind you Nuts, PB does this for those crunchy situations that cause major life disruptions (i.e. Boy Cowpea of 8 months decides that he can't handle the truth anymore after giving PB support for those 8 months and runs away with his tail between his legs like a coward rather than facing whatever is causing such distress not when you break a fingernail). After she has pulled herself together she then develops a plan with several goals in mind. This helps her put her head down and plunge forward. Nuts, Life is short and we might lose sometimes but think about all those times when you won even more than expected. So this recent crunchy event has helped PB refocus. She was dwelling on what she hasn't been able to do for the last 8 months or so (thanks to the reminder by a certain Lil Shady and Erin). This was consistently bringing her down and then Boy Cowpea did the unthinkable and frankly she needs to thank him. It reminded PB of everything she has been able to do during the last 8 months of chemotherapy: 1) work full time, 2) study (or try) for licensure exam, 3) root for the Eagles & Phillies with emotion (PB would be disqualified from the Philly fan club if she didn't), 4) spend time with friends, 5) spend time with her Nephew Cowpea, 6) enjoy the simple things in life, 7) bird watch, 8) pray, 9) slow down (which PB finds the hardest of all the things), and the list goes on... so Nuts despite this totally crunchy situation (chemotherapy and Boy Cowpea), PB has a lot for which to be thankful.

Finally, what has PB done to combat her anxiety and this totally crunchy situation. Well, she developed a plan, recognized that this was not about her, realized that Boy Cowpea has some issues he needs to work on, and finally she said that this was beyond her control (and PB doesn't like things beyond her control who does?) and said she can only keep her side of the street clean. So, in the end PB has become more devoted to her spirituality, has started reconnecting with some friends she has lost contact (PB's facebook friend's list grows daily), been doing things she didn't have time for before b/c she was spending time with Boy Cowpea (like cleaning those dust bunnies from under the bed - don't worry fellow Nuts PB never overdoes it and only tackles 1 chore every other night or so), been able to spend some time with Momma PB, and best of all devote time to the Phillies (Boy Cowpea was not a baseball fan - he would watch it but not with the same vigor PB does - was that a sign from the baseball gods or what?) So nuts take from all this when life throws unspeakably crunchy situations your way remember the 3 R's: redirection, refocus, and recommitment. There is no need to work extra hard when these things happen just figure out a what went wrong (to the best of your ability - at least on your end) and make a plan for it to not happen again. And let's just say if PB can have this attitude, most people can (and PB's life isn't near as hard as others- just sucks some of the time).

"Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance." - Samuel Johnson

03 April 2008

Have any of you Nuts seen Lil' Shady?

Lil' Shady has been M.I.A. on the blog? PB fears the chunky rift among Mr. Peanut, Mr. Met, and the Philly Phanatic may have driven her to seek out other less than smooth Nuts. Is it true? If any of PB's Nuts have seen Lil' Shady let her know she is missed.

02 April 2008

Happy PB&J day!

Hey Nuts. Make sure to squeeze that PB&J in your life a little extra hard tonight. Afterall it is PB&J day.