Ep 1: American Idol Superlatives

Favorite Auditions

MALE: Joey Catalano from Mays Landing, NJ, who sang Sunday Morning by Maroon 5. I liked the tone of his voice, but his moves were irritating – it was like he was an animatronic whose arms and torso movements were on a repeat loop. He doesn’t seem comfortable yet in his own skin, probably still adjusting to his 204 lb. (Not 205, Simon! LOL) weight loss – so impressive!

FEMALE: Temptresse Brown, from Philadelphia, PA, who was the football playing animal lover who was only 16 y.o., and had the sick mother. She was very sweet, and the judges handled it perfectly. Kudos to all.

Best [Unintentional] Impersonations

FEMALE - The nanny who has never seen a rated R movie. I wouldn’t believe most people who told me that, but somehow I did believe her. She had a good voice and the Kellie Pickler/Carrie Underwood naivete sans the dumb “act(?)” of Pickler. The AI Producers love to exploit that! I predict that she gets a lot of air time during Hollywood Week.

MALE - Alaa Youakeem from Jersey City, NJ: This guy gets the award for being Egypt’s version of Borat, with comments such as, "I have sexy face" and "I want to love a girl from the hair to the nipple."

Funniest Audition

James Lewis, from Philadelphia, PA, who sang, Go Down Moses. When leaving he said that he was, "...going to come back next year and not sing older Christian songs." Yeah, dude, that was your problem.

Least Deserved Golden Ticket

Melanie Nyema, Los Angeles, CA: She was the cute woman who was a back-up singer for Taylor Hicks, and sang (if you could call it that) Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. She probably has a good voice, but the portion of the audition we were shown did not showcase it at all.

Creepiest Audition

FEMALE: Alexis Cohen, from Allentown, PA. I thought it was funny when Ryan said, "You smell like incense." That’s not incense, Ryan! He knew that, right? He’s sort of dense sometimes so it’s hard to tell. I thought that the judges were pretty fair to her, but her post-audition rhetoric was really disturbing as she seemed to just decompensate. I hadn’t been that creeped out since the talking belly button commercial.

MALE: Paul Marturano, from New Hope, PA. Paul The guy who sang to Paula about stalking her, caulking her, chalking her...was uncomfortably funny, but then creepy, creepy, creepy...

Random Observations

1) The judges proved that even when they’re nice, rejected contestants will freak out, call them names, and find someone other than themselves to blame. Best examples – Star Wars Girl and Alexis Cohen. I would personally like to see them provoke and argue with the contestants who give them a hard time.

2) Did anyone notice how the beautiful blonde girls really cleaned up in terms of making it through and getting air time? I am SO glad that this repressed group is finally getting the attention they deserve.

3) I disagreed with the editors’ decision to have the jaded Jedi Girl’s sour grapes voiceover during the closing montage of people who made it through. It was a very unfulfilling way to end the episode. They usually pick an inspirational, energizing, song. I missed the emotional manipulation.

In honor of the easily forgotten contestant who sang a terrible version of Alone by Heart, here is a classic AI clip of Carrie Underwood’s powerful rendition.

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P.S. Did anyone else see the "It's 10PM, do you know where your children are?" PSA by Sanjaya?! He was all wide-eyed and creepier than usual.