February 28, 2008 - Port St. Lucie, Florida - In a surprising twist in the ongoing Mr. Peanut/Mr. Met dramedy, an anonymous source leaked a photo of Mr. Peanut apparently shaking hands with an unidentified nut after an exchange of a large, unmarked envelope and a pound of peanuts. At this time, authorities are asking the peanut gallery to come forward if they have any details concerning the nature of this exchange.
Mr. Met, in Port St. Lucie for Spring training with the Mets, was visibly shocked when asked to comment on the photograph. The plastic smile on the unflappingly happy humanoid appeared to melt into an undeniable frown, while large painted tears mysteriously appeared. Mr. Met mumbled "no comment" and was quickly ushered to a chartered jet, presumably on his way to an official press conference scheduled by the Mets in New York later today.
As always, stay tuned to P.B. and Shady for all the latest developments in the peanut world!
February 27, 2008 – New York, New York – In what can only be called a shocking turn of events, Mr. Peanut, the mascot of Planters Peanuts and a long-time fan of the New York Mets, officially declared his allegiance to the Philadelphia Phillies, confirming the rumored rift between himself and Mr. Met, the beloved mascot of the New York Mets. The much anticipated press release comes on the heels of an inflammatory picture of Mr. Peanut in Phillies clothing that was posted on the #1 investigative peanut blog, P.B. and Shady. Although Mr. Peanut's words were brief, his reference to Mr. Met as a "bulbous baseball buffoon" clearly confirmed the dissolution of his long-standing friendship with Mr. Met and the New York Mets organization.
Mr. Peanut, an anthropomorphic peanut dressed as an old-fashioned gentleman, had been a fan of the New York Mets since the baseball team’s establishment in 1962, and was hired by the team in 1963 to mentor Mr. Met, the baseball-headed humanoid who wears a Mets cap and uniform. Mr. Met stated that he was deeply saddened by the picture of his former mentor in Phillies gear and his subsequent statements, calling Mr. Peanut’s actions a “personal attack” and “anything but gentleman-like,” given the well documented feud between Mr. Met and the Phillie Phanatic, the furry, foul-smelling, clumsy mascot of the Philadelphia Phillies.
The salty roast of Mr. Met by Mr. Peanut was just the latest development in the bizarre chain of events involving the beleagured mascot. According to a source close to Mr. Peanut who spoke on the condition on anonymity, the peanut’s downward spiral began in 2006, when Planters Peanuts proposed that Mr. Peanut’s old-fashioned clothing required an update, and encouraged fans to vote for changes, including a “wife beater” and a dude rag. Although fans ultimately voted for “no change”, Mr. Peanut’s ego was shaken by his company’s apparent lack of confidence in the awesomeness of his spats. His rotten mood allegedly spoiled his relationships with his closest mascot friends, including Sprout, who he called “a precocious bastard.” Sprout’s green-skinned foster giant retorted that Mr. Peanut was “obviously a salty nut who was green with envy.”
In September 2007, an alleged rift between Mr. Met and Mr. Peanut was speculated when all of the peanuts mysteriously disappeared from Shea Stadium. Although no arrests were made, a Mets food vendor assisted police artists in rendering a drawing [shown left] of the alleged suspect. An angry confrontation between Mr. Met and Mr. Peanut in the Mets locker room was observed in horror by the Mets players, although Manager Willie Randolph forbade his players from commenting on the situation. However, sources close to the Mets believe that “Peanut Gate” resulted in a player distraction from which the team never recovered, and may have been to blame for the Mets’ historic collapse at the end of the 2007 season.
In response to today’s press release by Mr. Peanut, The New York Mets announced that they will be holding a press conference soon to address Mr. Mets' relationship with Mr. Peanut. Coverage of the press conference will be available exclusively on the P.B. and Shady blog as this historic story unfolds.
PB is filled with anxiety as she awaits her first date. It is as if she is going to meet the man that will become her husband. PB stresses what to wear, which hat will be the most appropriate? Which flip flops are the best for today’s weather? PB anticipates the smells of pine tar, hot dogs, beer, and PEANUTS! Yes, PB has a date with the opening of BASEBALL season. 162 games to play and they ALL count. So in honor of this opening game PB has developed her list of the 25 reasons why Baseball is superior to say… Football. PB enjoys football and watches it religiously but given a choice between the two…shells down…Baseball. She would like to credit some of the ideas to Washington Post’s Thomas Boswell who in 1987 wrote the 99 reasons why baseball is better than football, which was ingenious. PB has tried to add her PB flair to her list of 25. Play Ball!
PB's 25 Reason's why Baseball is Great 1. The uniqueness of each and every ballpark. Some bad, some ugly, some fan friendly, some hitter park friendly, the foul poles, the turf, the wind, the size, any unusual obstacles in the outfield? 2.Love him or hate him even George Steinbrenner saw the light 3. Abott and Costello (and a side note that Costello was a Peanut vendor in the skit)- how can you not laugh when you even think about the 4 minute exchange of Who’s on First? 4. Fans in flip flops and shorts holding a cold beer! 5. Take me out to the Ballgame 7th inning stretch is as universal as the National Anthem 6. Bubblegum blowing relief pitchers, catchers, managers, and mascots – no headsets here 7. Head coach vs. umpire showdowns. There is nothing better than dirt being kicked on an ump by an angry manager or maybe spit flying in an ump’s face? Nuts decide 8. Batting practice 9. Fly, Foul, or Homerun Balls 10. Plenty of time to get a hot dog, use the restroom, and enjoy the view 11. 162 games which are available on several mediums and some are free to all. The nostalgia of AM radio and a baseball game 12. Baseball has manners – no coin toss here 13. Baseball equipment: bat, ball, cup and helmet. Football equipment: cup, helmet, mouth guard, face guard, pads, gloves, darkened out mask guard, bling, etc. 14. Baseball players play the entire game unless they are Aaron Rowand and make an outstanding sacrifice of the body while still MAKING the play! 15. 9 innings to make a comeback with no 2 minute warning 16. No ONE watches the World Series for the commercials 17. Every baseball team has the same types of schedule – each team will play easy and hard teams no need to modify schedules to create competitiveness 18. No flags. We know when it’s a homerun, we don’t wait with baited breath to see if it is a Homerun or not 19. A baseball team changes each year even with the same players and managers 20. Baseball is easier to watch in any form. Football has many points of focus, watch one and you miss a ton of other important information. 21. Every baseball player counts and they all need to be working together at the same time. 22. You never see a team ask a crowd to be quiet 23. It takes control and moderation to win the game of baseball not bruit force 24. Doubleheaders 25. Baseball players have far superior posteriors than football players – no added pads there female nuts.
Nuts feel free to leave comments as to why Baseball is so great.
PB finds it rather annoying when most organizations get these man holidays off. What does PB mean by a "man holiday". Well, they are those annoying days when the banks are closed, post offices are closed, and all govermental workers have off. And all of those days are in celebration of men. Where are the women's holidays? Do women ever get a day off? No. PB was complaining to a friend regarding this and she was informed there is an International Women's Day which is celebrated March 8th. This event has been happening since 1911! And Philadelphia is finally celebrating its 1st International Women's Day. Yes, your Nutclustered eyes read that correctly, its 1st! Can the US please wake up and smell the roasted Nuts? Women should be celebrated too.
On a side note, PB would like to extend some Get Well wishes to her friend Bill. This Peanut would also like to wish you creamy vibes and a smooth recovery!
PB was contemplating this morning what historical characters (real or imagined) wore monocles? The only person who she could think of was the Monoply man. Does he have a name? PB also wondered if a character wears a monocle does he/she also need to wear a top hat? Are there any other Nuts out there that have answers to these profound world saving philosophical questions? Also Nuts do not forget to vote for your top 10 favorite cities to be added to the Monopoly board. So if PB's Nut Clusters around the world could provide her with some of these answers post a reply.
Don't forget to vote for your favorite company mascot and what each of their "kryptonite" would be!
Earlier this evening in an unprecedented move by Mr. Peanut he made a special announcement. He declared his unconditional support to the Philadelphia Phillies as his team for the 2008 Baseball season. Pat Burrell’s bobble head also made an appearance, as Pat Burrell himself was unavailable due to the beginning of spring training.
P.S. PB found another blogger who has obsessional thoughts regarding the smooth and creamy posterior of Mr. Pat Burrell. Ok female Nuts PB knows he went to the U of Miami and is probably a box of rocks... but he can certainly chop PB's nuts any time he wants.
Here are Shady's top 20 life lessons she has learned from baseball:
20. Things are often more complicated than they look. 19. Be ready to play every day... 18. But everybody needs a day off sometimes. 17. Versatility and depth will bring success, especially when the game goes long. 16. It’s not over ‘til it’s over! 15. There is no time limit on winning. 14. It’s normal to strike out sometimes. 13. An amazing play can happen at any moment. 12. The most important game is the one being played at that moment. 11. Small changes can produce large results. 10. Everyone is important. 9. Anyone can be a hero. 8. No one can win alone. 7. Long term results matter more than short term results. 6. The best plays involve many people doing their very best. 5. Sometimes you have to take it one base at a time. 4. Losing streaks are inevitable, but so are winning streaks. 3. Sometimes you have to allow others to help you arrive safely home. 2. Stealing is okay, as long as you don’t get caught! (just kidding) 1. Nothing is better than celebrating at home (plate) with your friends.
What is this Valentine's Day that I keep hearing everyone talk about?
To Shady, February 14th is an important day because:
1817: Frederick Douglass' Birthday (read A Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave or Life and Times of Frederick Douglass if you haven't already - life-changing reads! Makes Shady want to be a better peanut.) 1920: League of Women Voters was established 1950: USSR and China sign peace treaty 1963: First successful kidney transplant 2008: Mets pitchers and catchers report for spring training
The best "love"-related quote today - Service is love in work clothes.
PB is sick and tired of the advertisements for Valentine's Day. Now, PB is not one of those jaded women; however, do we really need to see all those advertisements for Kay jewelers, over priced "pajama grams", over priced Vermont teddy bears, and of course the totally crunchy red rose bouquet? totally chunky and expired says PB. When grown male Nuts go into tizzies over whether to send the roses to work or home says there is something wrong.
so what should all the Nuts do? PB says get creative, spontaneous, or do something good for the world. So if some of you nuts are going to shell out $50+ on flowers that will die in 2 days than might PB suggest adopting a totally cuddly animal of nature? Try WWF where my Nuts can adopt a cuddly Polar Bear, a Moose, a Tortouise, among other woodland creatures.
So PB is not totally expired regarding Valentine's Day because nothing is greater than Love. But PB feels it should be shared every day. to quote a famous woman-
The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. -Helen Keller
Maybe PB is just chunky b/c peanuts are not truly recognized for their true aphrodesiac potential? So here's to trying to invade the Red Day with the greatest spread ever. PB!
Valentine Peanut Butter Treats
1 1/4 cups firmly packed light brown sugar
3/4 butter flavor Crisco stick or3/4 cup butter flavor Crisco
Heat oven to 375 degrees. Place brown sugar, shortening, milk and vanilla in large bowl. Beat at medium speed of electric mixer until well blended. Add egg, beat well. Combine flour, salt and baking soda. Add to shortening mixture; beat on low speed until just blended. Stir in peanut butter cups (chopped). Drop dough by rounded measuring teaspoonfuls 3 inches apart onto UNgreased baking sheets. Bake one baking sheet at a time at 375 degrees for 8-10 minutes or until cookies are lightly browned. DO NOT overbake! Cool 2 minutes on baking sheet. Remove cookies to foil to cool completely. Makes about 3 dozen cookies.
Shady guesses it's no secret that she is not Hillary Clinton's #1 Fan. However, Shady does not "hate" Clinton. Shady does hate it when the media and others presume that women who do not support Hillary are being jealous or bitchy. Suprise! Women do have independent, analytical minds that can dislike Hillary based on politics. Shady does not have to support Hillary just because she's a woman, just like Black people do not have to support Barack just because he is Black.
That said, Shady has to admit that she has been feeling empathy for Hillary lately. She had to lend her own money to her campaign while Obama's campaign money is flowing, she's lost the last few contests, she changed her campaign manager, and then Shady had to just shake her head last night when Obama won the Grammy for spoken word over (Bill) Clinton. Those Clintons just can't catch a break these days!, Shady thought.
Then, in an instant, Shady's empathy evaporated when she read reports that Clinton's new spin is that she is the underdog candidate and that Obama represents the establishment. What the nut?! A year ago, no one would have thought that Obama would be neck to neck with Clinton, and up to a week ago, she was ahead in pledged delegates. Her campaign is faltering as much as Obama's is succeeding. She basically has tried to take Obama's approach for her own, even though it contradicts her campaign's earlier talking points. Spinning sh*t like that, and stating it with such bold-faced certainty, reminded Shady exactly of why she dislikes the Clintons. Thanks, Hillary!
John Read, a state legislator from Mississippi has proposed a bill banning ALL restaurants from serving obese individuals in his state, where over 30% of adults are classified as obese. Is this really the solution? The potential problems with this bill are tremendous. Besides the obvious DISCRIMINATION and taking away one's right to choose, this bill could restrict obese individuals' ability to travel, gather with others socially, and it requires obese restaurant employees to eat off-premises. Restaurant employees would have to "eyeball" customers and make decisions regarding to whom they deny services. Would you want to be in that position?! Would there be doctor scales in the restaurants? How about calipers to measure body fat, since body weight isn't necessarily the best way to measure an excess of body fat?
2007 OBESITY MAP ACCORDING TO THE CDC
John Banzhaf, an infamous lawyer known for taking on tabacco companies and fast food restaurants, has proposed a revision to the current bill that would focus on children: No employee of a fast food chain outlet shall serve to any child who appears, to a reasonable person, to be under the age of 16 and to be obese, any single food item reported by the company to contain more than 500 calories, nor any meal where the calories in all of the food items in the meal (including any drinks, but not including sauces not provided at the counter) as reported by the company exceed 1000 calories.
However, all such food items may be served if the child is accompanied by a parent or guardian, or if the child presents a letter or note on the letterhead of a physician, hospital, or other health care entity certifying that he is not obese or that for medical reasons he should be served such food items, or if he or she provides such proof in a form or manner approved by the State Department of Health, including but not necessarily limited to, a wallet-sized card from any of the above sources or from the school which the child attends.
This is an interesting revision, however, are obese minors eating fast food away from their parents really the main reason that they are obese? And again, there is that *little* problem of making subjective determinations about an individual's weight, AND are employees really going to add up the calories being ordered, including sauce(s!)? Sorry, kid, that 15 calorie pack of hot sauce that you requested from me makes your meal 1005 calories. However, if you grab one yourself from the condiment area, you're fine. Finally, nothing would prevent the non-obese friend from ordering for their "obese" friend, unless employees would also be required to monitor the entire eating process.
Although Shady has TiVo, one of the creamiest inventions ever, she sometimes watches commercials and feels the needs to share which ones are currently climbing her roof.
For those Pindarphiles, the term climbing the roof originates from the annoying feeling one has when peanut butter is stuck on the roof of your mouth. However, Shady would like to ask that you not blame this uncomfortable sensation on peanut butter, which should bear no blame for the shortcomings of the human body.
We now return to the regularly scheduled post about terrible and terribly annoying commercials...
1) CITRUCEL AND ACTIVIA: Citrucel brags that their products are the only ones with SmartFiber. You know why they're the only ones with SmartFiber? Because it's a trademarked name that they made up. Same with Activia and their Bifidus Regularis. Are these made up names supposed to make digestive regulation fun? Or just make us feel that we are ingesting something oh-so-special? Right now I am suffering from Stupid Commercialus Agititus – an inflammation of my agitation for stupid commercials.
2) PIZZA ROLLS: Mom retrives the Pizza Rolls from the microwave and places them onto the counter. Son’s arm busts through the wall AND tile to reach out and grab the pizza rolls off of the plate. Mom finds this amusing and feels good about how eager her son is to eat the pizza rolls. The tagline is that pizza rolls now have more pizza power.
This commerical makes no sense. 1) The point is that the pizza rolls have more pizza power/taste. Why does the BOY demonstrate more power? And even if the boy busted through the wall AFTER eating the amped up pizza rolls, thereby consuming the "pizza power", why does pizza taste = brute strength?
3) WEIGHT WATCHERS: Their new advertising campaign is comprised of the following slogans: Diets Don't Work. Weight Watchers Does. and Stop Dieting. Start Living.
Why is "diet" a bad word? A diet, by definition, is the food you consume. Diets DO work to keep you alive! Even if you follow the colloquial definition of "diet," isn’t Weight Watchers a "diet"? Isn’t it a reduction or change of food intake for the purpose of losing weight? There is nothing wrong with that. WW is also a "diet plan" - there are books and products and meetings and a repackaged calorie counting gimmick.
The most annoying commerical is the one that states that when people diet, they tend to eat alone at home, but with Weight Watchers, you can "live" and eat out at restaurants. The reason that "dieters" eat at home, is because it is too tempting to be at a restaurant with yummy food and others eating alfredo and parmigiana and chocolate cake and you are eating broiled fish and rice. I think eating at home is a fine behavioral move if you are trying to lose weight. Eating at restaurants is no more easy or difficult on WW than it is on Atkins, South Beach or even the prepackaged plans which provide similar recommendations as WW for dining out. WW works for some people, but they should just embrace what they are - a DIET PROGRAM. Their high and mighty act ismisleading and a turn-off.
4) Avadar: Eat all you want and still lose weight! And we couldn’t say it on TV if it wasn’t true! This commercial is wrong all over the place. It has to be the lowest budget commerical on television. You can clearly see that a woman's head was photoshopped onto a cartoon body. Then, they just repeat their tagline twice. If anyone actually believes that only true statements can be made on TV, then body weight is the least of their problems.
5) OPTIMUM CABLE: THIS IS THE WORST COMMERCIAL JINGLE/SONG/MUSIC VIDEO/RAP EVER! View if you dare! Its annoyance factor requires no explanation.
P.B. Smooth and Lil' Shady are rap alter egos born out of a shared love for peanuts and reckless sunglass night driving. Like two nuts in a shell, they share a friendship based upon their love of Pindar and a unique world view, courtesy of their sophisticated peanut-shaped glasses.
The original smooth and creamy!
The candy sensation that (almost) swept the nation!
Who would win in all out company mascot smackdown?
Mr. Met, in Port St. Lucie for Spring training with the Mets, was visibly shocked when asked to comment on the photograph. The plastic smile on the unflappingly happy humanoid appeared to melt into an undeniable frown, while large painted tears mysteriously appeared. Mr. Met mumbled "no comment" and was quickly ushered to a chartered jet, presumably on his way to an official press conference scheduled by the Mets in New York later today. 
