07 February 2008

Shady Commercial Rant

Although Shady has TiVo, one of the creamiest inventions ever, she sometimes watches commercials and feels the needs to share which ones are currently climbing her roof.

For those Pindarphiles, the term climbing the roof originates from the annoying feeling one has when peanut butter is stuck on the roof of your mouth. However, Shady would like to ask that you not blame this uncomfortable sensation on peanut butter, which should bear no blame for the shortcomings of the human body.

We now return to the regularly scheduled post about terrible and terribly annoying commercials...

1) CITRUCEL AND ACTIVIA: Citrucel brags that their products are the only ones with SmartFiber. You know why they're the only ones with SmartFiber? Because it's a trademarked name that they made up. Same with Activia and their Bifidus Regularis. Are these made up names supposed to make digestive regulation fun? Or just make us feel that we are ingesting something oh-so-special? Right now I am suffering from Stupid Commercialus Agititus – an inflammation of my agitation for stupid commercials.

2) PIZZA ROLLS: Mom retrives the Pizza Rolls from the microwave and places them onto the counter. Son’s arm busts through the wall AND tile to reach out and grab the pizza rolls off of the plate. Mom finds this amusing and feels good about how eager her son is to eat the pizza rolls. The tagline is that pizza rolls now have more pizza power.

This commerical makes no sense. 1) The point is that the pizza rolls have more pizza power/taste. Why does the BOY demonstrate more power? And even if the boy busted through the wall AFTER eating the amped up pizza rolls, thereby consuming the "pizza power", why does pizza taste = brute strength?

3) WEIGHT WATCHERS: Their new advertising campaign is comprised of the following slogans: Diets Don't Work. Weight Watchers Does. and Stop Dieting. Start Living.

Why is "diet" a bad word? A diet, by definition, is the food you consume. Diets DO work to keep you alive! Even if you follow the colloquial definition of "diet," isn’t Weight Watchers a "diet"? Isn’t it a reduction or change of food intake for the purpose of losing weight? There is nothing wrong with that. WW is also a "diet plan" - there are books and products and meetings and a repackaged calorie counting gimmick.

The most annoying commerical is the one that states that when people diet, they tend to eat alone at home, but with Weight Watchers, you can "live" and eat out at restaurants. The reason that "dieters" eat at home, is because it is too tempting to be at a restaurant with yummy food and others eating alfredo and parmigiana and chocolate cake and you are eating broiled fish and rice. I think eating at home is a fine behavioral move if you are trying to lose weight. Eating at restaurants is no more easy or difficult on WW than it is on Atkins, South Beach or even the prepackaged plans which provide similar recommendations as WW for dining out. WW works for some people, but they should just embrace what they are - a DIET PROGRAM. Their high and mighty act ismisleading and a turn-off.

4) Avadar: Eat all you want and still lose weight! And we couldn’t say it on TV if it wasn’t true! This commercial is wrong all over the place. It has to be the lowest budget commerical on television. You can clearly see that a woman's head was photoshopped onto a cartoon body. Then, they just repeat their tagline twice. If anyone actually believes that only true statements can be made on TV, then body weight is the least of their problems.



5) OPTIMUM CABLE: THIS IS THE WORST COMMERCIAL JINGLE/SONG/MUSIC VIDEO/RAP EVER! View if you dare! Its annoyance factor requires no explanation.

4 comments:

Erin said...

I have to agree with the dislike of the "If it wasn't true we couldn't say it on t.v"-yeah right!!

P.B. Smooth said...

PB really enjoyed the Mr. Peanut commercial during the superbowl. Is it PB or is Mr. Peanut just becoming more and more distinguished with age?

Ellen said...

THE DAMNED COMMERCIALS ON TV ARE DISGUSTING , AND ARE GETTING WORSE BY THE DAY. ITS VERY HARD TO EVEN WATCH ANY PROGRAM BECAUSE WE ARE ASSAULTED BY THESE RIDICULOUS ADS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER. ITS SO AGGRAVATING THAT I WOULD NEVER EVER BUY ANY PRODUCT FROM THE ANNOYING ONES THAT ARE SHOWN EVEY 5 MINUTES. CASE IN POINT, THE STINKING OPTIMUM CABLE COMPANY WITH THE DAMNED SIMPLE ACTING WOMEN IN 60'S OUTFITS, MAKING COOKIES AND DANCING, AND THE ONE BEFORE IT, THE PIRATES, AND STUPID RAP SONG. THE GEICO ONE ISN'T FAR BEHIND. THE 1-800 CABLE TV ONE WITH THE BUNCH OF LOUD SINGING(?) YOUNG MEN WITH GUITARS, THAT ONE SHOWN ALMOST AS OFTEN AS THAT DAMNED OPTIMUM IGNORANT ONE. I AM VERY CLOSE TO NOT WATCHING THE SHOWS I DID ENJOY BECAUSE WE GET 5 MINUTES OF THE SHOW AND 15 OR MORE STUPID COMMERCIALS, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.GUESS IT WOULD MAKE MORE SENSE FOR US TO RENT MOVIES AND TAKE SPECILITY CHANNELS THAT DON'T ASSUALT US EVEY 5 MINUTES.

Lil' Shady said...

Hey Ellen, let it all out! Cowpeas, this nut, Ellen is exhibiting classic signs and symptoms of Stupid Commercialus Agititus, which is often comorbid with extreme overreactitis. Dr. Shady prescribes TiVo and a Valium to restore Ellen to her former state of creaminess.