05 April 2008

1 Step Back, 2 Steps Forward

"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials." - Chinese Proverb
It is no secret that PB has gone through a number of crunchy weevils in her short lifetime on the planet Earth. And there are times when she is overly discouraged with her "so-called" Life but then she reads things like the above saying. The title of this blog really expresses PB's life. Most people often say it in reverse "2 steps back, 1 step forward". How negativistic can we be? So do PB a chop and let her impart her words of peanuts upon all you Nuts.

First, when PB is faced with crunchy situations she will often take a day (or week) to cry, yell, vent, buy peanut company stock, purchase new threads, eat a ton of chocolate covered peanuts, etc. She calls this her cleansing process. Now, mind you Nuts, PB does this for those crunchy situations that cause major life disruptions (i.e. Boy Cowpea of 8 months decides that he can't handle the truth anymore after giving PB support for those 8 months and runs away with his tail between his legs like a coward rather than facing whatever is causing such distress not when you break a fingernail). After she has pulled herself together she then develops a plan with several goals in mind. This helps her put her head down and plunge forward. Nuts, Life is short and we might lose sometimes but think about all those times when you won even more than expected. So this recent crunchy event has helped PB refocus. She was dwelling on what she hasn't been able to do for the last 8 months or so (thanks to the reminder by a certain Lil Shady and Erin). This was consistently bringing her down and then Boy Cowpea did the unthinkable and frankly she needs to thank him. It reminded PB of everything she has been able to do during the last 8 months of chemotherapy: 1) work full time, 2) study (or try) for licensure exam, 3) root for the Eagles & Phillies with emotion (PB would be disqualified from the Philly fan club if she didn't), 4) spend time with friends, 5) spend time with her Nephew Cowpea, 6) enjoy the simple things in life, 7) bird watch, 8) pray, 9) slow down (which PB finds the hardest of all the things), and the list goes on... so Nuts despite this totally crunchy situation (chemotherapy and Boy Cowpea), PB has a lot for which to be thankful.

Finally, what has PB done to combat her anxiety and this totally crunchy situation. Well, she developed a plan, recognized that this was not about her, realized that Boy Cowpea has some issues he needs to work on, and finally she said that this was beyond her control (and PB doesn't like things beyond her control who does?) and said she can only keep her side of the street clean. So, in the end PB has become more devoted to her spirituality, has started reconnecting with some friends she has lost contact (PB's facebook friend's list grows daily), been doing things she didn't have time for before b/c she was spending time with Boy Cowpea (like cleaning those dust bunnies from under the bed - don't worry fellow Nuts PB never overdoes it and only tackles 1 chore every other night or so), been able to spend some time with Momma PB, and best of all devote time to the Phillies (Boy Cowpea was not a baseball fan - he would watch it but not with the same vigor PB does - was that a sign from the baseball gods or what?) So nuts take from all this when life throws unspeakably crunchy situations your way remember the 3 R's: redirection, refocus, and recommitment. There is no need to work extra hard when these things happen just figure out a what went wrong (to the best of your ability - at least on your end) and make a plan for it to not happen again. And let's just say if PB can have this attitude, most people can (and PB's life isn't near as hard as others- just sucks some of the time).

"Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance." - Samuel Johnson


Anonymous said...

Very deep.... Like always u amaze me. Pulling that silver lining from the cloud. I'm glad u see that this is his loss not yours. U r such a wonderful loving person and anyone would be and should be honored to have and keep u in their life! i know mine is so much better because of u. Keep ur focus!
And u know that should Boy Cowpie oops I mean Cowpea come to his senses and come crawling back to you and beg for forgivness...I would support u in whatever.
I feel i can tell u this since..."we've just started getting close"hahaha..figured u could use a blast from the past!

P.B. Smooth said...

PB says Thanks for the vote of confidence. PB's only control is her choice to dwell in self pitty or suck it up and paste it to another one of those chuncky life events which will only make PB an even better empathetic, compassionate friend and therapist. Not saying that PB wants any more chuncky situations but...they will be there.

Lil' Shady said...

Two quotes for you, dear cowpea. I think that they sum up where we both are right now, on our very different yet somehow parallel paths. Seeing you the other week was a very moving experience for me, but we'll talk about that later.

Here are your quotes:

1. The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. - Anonymous.

2. You know, I am sick of chasing my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they are going and hook up with them later. - Mitch Hedberg

b-dawg said...

deep things. long journey.

P.B. Smooth said...

As always thanks Lil' Shady. PB enjoyed the laugh the 2nd quote triggered. B-Dawg why be a mystery PB always likes to meet her fellow Nuts! thanks for stopping by and visiting the PB and Shady blog.

Anonymous said...

Lil Shady...love that first quote. How true!