05 March 2008
Breaking News: Nutty Rift is a "Threat to National Security"
March 5, 2008 – Washington, D.C. – The Washington elite gathered at the White House this morning in response to the ongoing Mr. Peanut/Mr. Met dramedy. The press conference began with Condoleezza Rice declaring the rift between the two mascots to be a “threat to national security” and urging the two sides to “reconcile as quickly as possible.” Meanwhile, President Bush expressed concern that the conflict in the peanut world was interfering with the celebration of his favorite national celebration, Peanut month, which began March 1st, and will end with the 1,000,000 Peanut March in D.C. at the end of the month.
The successful resolution of Peanut Gate was also a top priority to the presidential candidates. Barack Obama was quoted in Texas last night as stating, "Yes we can end the peanut feud!". In response, Hillary Clinton, who was spending the night in Ohio, accused Obama of making empty promises and pointed to her 35 years of being a nutter as evidence that she is the best candidate to restore relations between Mr. Met and Mr Peanut.
In the most promising moment of the press conference, Mr. Met received a text message from Mr. Peanut offering to meet with Mets officials in a closed door meeting to discuss their dispute. The large crowd erupted in applause when Mr. Met shared the news with them, although no other details of the meeting were disclosed. Mr. Met left the press conference in the MetsMobile, waving to fans and flashing his large plastered smile, but it was unclear whether or not he was headed directly to the meeting with Mr. Peanut.
Stay tuned to PB and Shady for the latest developments in this ongoing dramedy!