04 August 2008

PSA: Terror Alert! The Peanut Gang Strikes Again!

Last week, PB and Shady broke the news of Shady's crunchy encounter with a salty nut who verbally a-salted her on the 7 Train. At the time, we were not sure if this was a rogue nut acting alone, or part of the Peanut Gang from Yankee Stadium.

FYI: The Peanut Gang came about due to the social unrest in the peanut community during the Cracker Jacks vs. Crunch N' Munch controversy at Yankee Stadium a few years ago, when upper management wanted to replace Cracker Jacks with Crunch N' Munch. This chunky change included modifying the famous lines from Take Me Out to the Ballgame, from Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack, I don't care if I never get back to Buy me some peanuts and Crunch N' Munch, if my team loses I will hurl my lunch. Thankfully, due to fan outcry (the only creamy thing that Yankee fans have ever done), the change was not implemented, however the damage was done. Millions of American peanut families had undergone the strain of having their livelihoods threatened by outsourced Crunch N Munch nuts, thus creating a stressful and unstable environment for the younger peanut generation, who began forming peanut gangs.

Until this weekend, law enforcement believed that the Peanut Gang had limited its a-salts to New York City. Unfortunately, security cameras on an interstate train traveling from Pennsylvania to Massachusetts caught our own PB Smooth being a-salted by a member of the Peanut Gang who was apparently also on his way to Fenway to spread mayhem.

Study these pictures carefully, as Peanut Gang members seem to use a similar M.O.

Notice how the gang member is sidling up to PB Smooth while she's distracted, a similar technique used on Lil Shady.

PB Smooth feels violated when this salty gang member asks her, Do you want to lick my nuts?

Horrifying, we know. Thankfully, PB Smooth has fully recovered from her trauma.

In order to prevent social unrest in our pods, as well as future attacks, PB and Shady will now share with our cowpeas what we have learned thus far;

1) There are some rotten nuts in the world, even though the majority are good.
2) Replacing Cracker Jacks with Crunch N' Munch at the ballpark will always be a bad idea.
3) The lyrics to Take me Out to The Ballgame should not be messed with.
4) Yankee fans have done at least one creamy thing... but, it's only one.
5) ALWAYS STAY ALERT! The Peanut Gang is now an interstate operation!

This has been a PSA brought to you by your #1 source for useless information you can't live without, The PB and Shady Blog.


Anonymous said...

u 2 have such strongs shells to survive such attacks!! i am in awe..

Lil' Shady said...

Thanks, Erin. *sniff*. If we can save just one cowpea from a similar incident, then it will all have been worth it.

Anonymous said...

i will def be on the look out. is there a hotline set up to take calls should an emergency arise?

Lil' Shady said...

Great question, Erin! 1-800-4-THE-NUT

Anonymous said...

i will be sure to put that in my speed dial! thanks for info!!